Loving a Man Who Isn’t Interested in Intimacy
Like many women I’m married to a man I completely adore. Our marriage hasn’t been without its problems though. The largest one was the lack of intimacy in our relationship. It was actually reaching a point where I felt not only rejected but was contemplating a separation.
It wasn’t a problem that had come out of the blue. After the birth of our kids, our lives changed and some days both of us were just too tired for sex. The frequency decreased and it reached a point where we rarely made love anymore.
When I’d approach him he’d make an excuse and I’d go to bed not only feeling unsatisfied but also worried. In the back of my mind was the nagging question of whether or not he was having an affair with another woman.
I asked him repeatedly why we made love so infrequently. He’d tell me it was just the way things were when you were married. He assured me there wasn’t anyone else, but I wondered.
I tried several different approaches to regain the spark in our sex life, but none of them worked. I even confided in friends who would offer what advice they could, none of which worked.
Since it was getting to the point where I felt I couldn’t live in a sexless marriage any longer, I knew I needed a new approach. I tried these techniques and they worked – within days we were spending more intimate time together.
If you love your spouse and you miss sharing yourself intimately with them – you can change the situation. I did.
What Not to Do When You Crave More Intimacy
Common Relationship Killers
Women want to discuss everything. I know I do. Whenever there’s a problem in my relationship with my husband, I want us to talk it out. I’ve always felt that it was best to just be direct – regardless of what the issue was.
When my husband stopped wanting sex, I started to feel so many things. Along with the rejection and disappointment, I was sad and angry. I felt as though we were living like room mates and I worried about where his sex drive had gone. Each time he made an excuse not to have sex I wanted to press him about why and what I was doing wrong. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was making some huge mistakes when it came to dealing with the problem of my sexless marriage.
Common mistakes that you do not want to make when you are trying to recapture the intimacy in the relationship with your spouse:
Show your anger over the situation with them. Many people feel a strong association between intimacy and emotion. If you are angry with your spouse about their lack of interest in sex, they may feel as though they’re failing you. This will make it more difficult for your partner to feel the urge to be intimate with you.
Accuse him or her of cheating. Most people who have lost interest in their spouse sexually are not having an affair. If you accuse them of cheating this will suggest that you don’t trust them. If they feels this, they are going to struggle more with wanting to be intimate.
Make your partner feel guilty. When a person is frustrated over the lack of intimacy in their marriage, they may be tempted to say things to make their spouse feel guilty. This will likely result in him or her withdrawing more.
Compare them to another person. Never compare your spouse to another person when it comes to sex. This includes any past lovers you’ve had or things you’ve heard about the partners in your friends’ lives. What other people are doing in their bedrooms has no place in your relationship.
There are proven techniques to getting your spouse interested in sex again, find out what they are now.
What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Think It’s a Problem
Understanding What They’re Feeling
I think one of the most frustrating things for me when my husband and I were struggling with intimacy issues, was his attitude. He honestly didn’t seem to care about the situation and whenever I’d bring it up, he’d shrug it off and say it was just the way marriages ended up.
I knew that wasn’t the case. I had friends who would brag about how often they were being intimate with their husbands and many of them were married longer than I was. I wanted to understand exactly what was at the root of our problem, but I realized I first needed to put myself in his shoes.
There are many reasons why some people ignore the issue of a lack of sex in their marriages. Men aren’t as comfortable communicating about their feelings as women are and talking about something so personal can lead a man to feel a whole host of different emotions. Women who are no longer interested in intimacy may feel the issue is just too emotional to discuss calmly.
Insecurity is one emotion that many people loathe and when it’s associated with their relationship they hate it even more. Embarrassment, humiliation and guilt also come into play when one partner starts discussing intimacy with the other.
Talking about these things in the wrong way and at the wrong time, can actually damage the relationship. Find out how to fix the problem the right way – now.
My Review of Kate Dixon’s ‘Get Him in the Mood’ and ‘Get Her in the Mood’
Use This to Rejuvenate Your Sex Life
In my pursuit of more intimacy in my relationship with my husband, I looked at any information I could get my hands on. Our marriage was wonderful in so many ways, and I wasn’t about to let it slip away just because we weren’t being as intimate now as we once were.
Then I came across some writings by Kate Dixon. She obviously had a clear and thorough understanding of the issue of marriages without intimacy. She knows exactly why men lose interest in sex and what role their wives play in it.
I bought her eBook for women (there’s a version for husbands as well). I sat down and read it and everything in my marriage changed. I quickly realized, once I started reading, that my approach to the problem was actually making the situation worse. Instead of encouraging my husband to want to make love I was actually pushing him farther away.
The book is filled with loads of information that is all related to the point of view of a spouse living in a sexless marriage. It helps you to understand what your partner is feeling and exactly what you need to be doing to recreate that bond of intimacy you once had.
One thing that made this particular eBook so appealing were all the bonuses.
In addition to the book you get 2 month free email consultation with Kate Dixon!She’s widely regarded as ‘The Sexless Relationship Expert. You can explain your unique situation in detail to her and get her honest, truthful and incredibly helpful feedback.
You also get some other valuable ebooks. One I really enjoyed is called Turn on The Heat! Once you and your husband do rediscover the intimacy this just adds to your sex life. Lots of fun and hot tips you can use in here.
101 Romantic Ideas is written by Michael Webb. You may have seen him on Oprah. This is a great book that you can use to get fun ideas for romantic gestures that will make your husband feel incredibly special and loved.
Overall, this is a wonderful tool for any woman who loves her husband and misses being intimate with him. You must follow the suggestions in the book if you want to recapture the passion that the two of you have lost. Try it and you’ll be grateful that he’s back to being your lover, not just your husband.